IT MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN





IT MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN

You know that big plan you’ve always had?
or maybe you don’t see it as a big plan,
but it's something like
'That life you thought you’d be living right now, at this age?'

When you were a child, you looked to an infinite future laid before you
with no impending end. Death seemed so very far away.
Everything seemed possible because it was all ahead of you.
Fresh and free of concern.
Adults around you expressed concern for the future, but why?
It was all going to make sense in the end right?
It wasn’t ever NOT going to happen
and anyway, isn't painting the walls more fun so, who cares?

Now, you are looking nearer the ‘end’ of the time tunnel.
You don’t see it ‘all’ ahead of you.
You see it all behind you or around you
happening for other people, perhaps,
but not for you.
In fact, you wonder if it happened years ago and you never even noticed?

What was it you were waiting for?
What was this great event?
Was it an achievement, a solid relationship or a recognition?
What a child, a family or a belonging?
Was it material stability or success?
Perhaps a great awakening and knowing was going to set you
free and you would have all the answers
and suffer never again?

Was there going to be more love?
more joy, more time, more ‘things’?
more opportunities?
more than what you find here now?
Did you believe from this great moment onwards...
it was somehow all going to be okay.
and you could finally rest in yourself.

But what was beneath the 'happening'?
When you stop to ask...
What would you really achieve?

Finally, you could ‘be’ yourself ...yes?
Finally, you had enough to be content,
you would be validated.
you would have permission, at last,
you were going to BE enough
and this would have led to ...
your freedom.

But here now you are not free,
and you await this event, this golden time
and you suffer more because you see the clock ticking,
the lines upon your face emerging,
the lives of your friends and loved ones transforming,
your parents are gone or reaching some precipice of the edge.

And you maybe will never get ‘it’ or get there.
And maybe you feel great loneliness of not experiencing the happening your whole life was geared for?

Stories of people are all around you with their happenings,
they appear on the carnival float of many happenings,
but you are on the edge of the parade watching and waiting
and it never seems to be your turn.

What if I ask you to inquire deeply
 if beneath this happening
you were truly only ever looking to be free?
That you beyond that relief of having ‘made it’,
you were looking only to experience your true self?

There is nothing in this world that can keep you from your
true self.
In fact, everything is waiting for you to stop waiting
so it can be seen and experienced fully.

Perhaps ‘it’ may never happen,
these things may not come to pass
but you do not need a God to announce his presence in you
with a cabaret show and best selling author style story.

Perhaps you have been spared of all the drama
and it will never happen
because it’s never NOT been happening.

Perhaps you are being caressed from the deepest place inside
from birth by something divine,
and in order to feel it, you must let go of all hope
all clinging and fear and driving towards an ultimate event.

So you mourn the life you thought you should have had,
and you embrace the one that has always been
‘tailor-made’ for you as Mooji once said.
You put down the glitter of the shiny red shoes in the high street shop
and swap them for your own humbly sewn together quirky but softly brilliant pair
this, as Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, is what it is to live the ‘handmade’ life.
YOUR life, as it is; unique and perfectly as it should be.
To recognize it is no less or more valuable than any other and cannot be compared.

You look at the animals, the cows in the field.
You know their shelf life is most likely a lot less than yours.
They don't seem to be depressed about when they are finally going to make it?
Do you think a cat in its final hours rues the fact it could have been so much more than the cat it was and is in this moment?
Has it ever really happened more for one person than another?
for one creature more than the next?

It may never happen
because there was never a beginning or an end to the happening.
that is your freedom in this moment
now and forever.

When people say ‘cheer up it may never happen’
perhaps they’re onto something!

x

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